"Ugh. I think I've eaten too much Halloween candy" I said, as I sat on my bed now feeling sick after eating my last Twix bar. "Oh I think you have" stated Nate's mom, Now i'm off to Mrs. Jones Halloween party, Get your pj's on and get to bed you've been staying up to late with your friends all week. "Ok" I said sighing, "But I'm not even tired yet" I said through a yawn. Mom smiled grabbed her keys and said bye and was off to the party. I put my pj's on and got into bed and fell asleep.
The next thing I knew I woke to a slight tapping noise. The first thing I thought was that its halloween and kids are probably just messing around then the tapping got louder and then I knew that something was up. I crept slowly down the stairs to investigate the sound when suddenly it stoped and the silence was broken by the soft mewing of a kitten.
I reached to open the door when it burst open to reveal mom holding a fluffy black kitten. "I found this little guy sitting in front of the door." said mom. "Aww" I said promptly taking the kitten from mom "He's so soft" I said as he started to purr. "Can we keep him?" I asked excitedly. "Of course we can" she said. Then I said good night and brought the kitten with me to bed we where just curling up when the kitten said "normally most people say its bad luck to let a black cat cross your path but I think it was good luck that brought us together" I smiled and went to sleep.
-Braxton Dunbar
Monday, October 30, 2017
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Good start Braxton! I like the plot and the twist with have a kitten. As you revise, double check punctuation and spelling & add more sensory details to put a picture in your reader's mind. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGreat Job Braxton, I liked the theme of your story. You had a few punctuation errors but other than that you did a great job.
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