Monday, October 16, 2017
My brother and I were walking through the woods one Halloween day when we saw what appeared to be a short-cut. "Let's go that way," my brother said. I wasn't so sure about it but his mind was made up. "Um, can we not go that way?" I was pleading with him but like I said, his mind was made up. As we walked through the woods we heard really creepy sounds. "Ok," he said "Maybe this was a bad idea."
We heard a cracking noise behind us. " Um, maybe we should go back" he told me. I totally agreed but by the time I had turned around to start heading back he was gone. I yelled and yelled for him but I didn't hear him answer. I decided to walk back to the entrance of the woods and just go around them. Suddenly something grabbed my leg. I didn't even look at what it was, I just ran for my life! Or so I thought.
As I was running I wondered why I followed my brother into the woods. I mean, it's not like I ever do anything he wants me to, so why was that the one thing I did? Well, as I was running for my life I had a lot of time to reflect on why I followed him. I figured out that it's just because he's older and "wiser". When I got out of the woods I found my brother. It turns out that he just decided to prank me. He had a good laugh after that one.
By Courtney Pack
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Good job! I liked it. The thing I saw was the length, maybe next time you could put more in there and make the paragraphs longer? Overall though, it was good.
ReplyDeleteGood job! Something you can do to make you sound really good is use big words and sensory words. Good work, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this! One thing that caught my attention, however, was the length of the story. Maybe you could use more descriptive language and longer sentences on your next one? Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteGood Job! I thought your story was really funny. One thing you could add is length. Besides that it was an amazing story. keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job! I liked the plot of the story. The only thing that I notice is that it was a little short. Maybe you could elaborate a little more. Other than that it was really good.
ReplyDeleteI feel like this is a really solid start to a great story. You had a lot of "I" to tell the story, now you need to go back and add the details to help your reader see, smell, hear, taste and touch. I'd love to see you revise this one. Good work:)
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