Monday, October 30, 2017
The Noise
By: Halle Westbrook
I took off my Halloween costume, washed the paint off my face, put on my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and went to bed. I was almost asleep when I first heard the sound ...I sat up straight looking around. But nothing was there! I started to lay down again thinking that it was just my imagination, but I heard it again! This time I knew it was not my imagination. I slowly got of out of bed my heart beating fast. I was just about to leave my room when I heard it again! It was coming from down stairs. I slowly made my way down the stairs. I went into the laundry room to grab a flashlight. That´s when I heard the noise again. It was coming from outside.
I slowly put my shoes on and walked to the front door. I was about to turn around and go back up stairs to sleep but I had come this far I was not going to back down now. I unlocked the front door and stepped outside. The cold hit me in a freezing gust. I could see my breath when I breathed. I was outside freezing and I heard the noise. This time it was even louder! The banging was so loud! It was coming from the Mathews house! I slowly made my way through the cold to the Mathews house. I slowly went into their backyard switching my flashlight on.
Then I heard another noise this was different then the banging it was scratching! Then I heard a scream! I jumped so high I almost hit my head on the tree. I heard the noises again I looked up and everything went black. 10 YEARS LATER.... I still don´t know what happened that Halloween night but all I know is that something was there that should not be there. After that moment my life was changed forever.
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Great job Hallis! I really liked your story,but next time, maybe try to make it a little bit more descriptive.
ReplyDeleteAwesome job Halle! I like how you went forward ten years, and described that time too. I'm going to have to argue with Janessa. The descriptiveness was great!
ReplyDeleteGreat work Halle! I liked the plot a lot. As you revise, you have a lot of "I" sentences to tell the story, but you want your reader to feel it! Add more description to really paint a picture in your reader's mind. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteNice job halle, I really liked the discription that you used, I could feel the cold on my face when you said that, maybe it's just me but I think there might be punctuation and grammar errors with the last sentence.
ReplyDeleteThe detail was amazing! The only thing that I would change is somehow ending the story in a satisfying way, but that can be really hard so its understandable.
ReplyDelete